While I was staying at my stepmother's when she was undergoing surgery, I knew I couldn't practice open pagan things out of respect to her. She was raised a devout Catholic, and while she had no problem with people believing and practicing what they will on their own terms and in their own homes, I had a feeling (but no actual proof) that she would not appreciate such things in her own house, particularly one where her beloved grandmother lived (and where crosses, statues of the Virgin Mary, and rosaries could be found everywhere as religious decorations, never taken down after her grandmother's death).
But if there's one thing I know about Catholics, it's that they love candles as much as I do. My soon-to-be stepfather (who has been with my 20 years, and are only just now getting around to tying the knot - the wedding will be on St Patrick's Day in March!) would burn candles for the saints and various other religious figures all the time. I've seen my stepmother purchase a candle and burn it to nothing on days when she honors those who have passed or as a way to demonstrate that she was thinking about someone extremely sick. Really, those type of prayers aren't that different from my own - they're bought with intention, infused with intention, and burned with intention.
So, I used a vanilla scented candle in a jar, purchased from a store while on clearance while shopping with my stepmother (I knew I wanted that candle, just didn't know what for at the time), held it between my hands, and infused it with as much love, healing and positive energies that I could. Each time I knew that she would be in surgery, have a check-up, or any other time I felt it necessary to add a bit of luck, comfort and extra boost of healing, I lit that candle.
At first, I thought that candle was jinxed, I really did. It seemed like every time I lit that thing, we would receive more horrible news! It's only now, looking back, that I can see that each of those things that looked bad were actually good - we know now that the non-cancerous mass actually saved my stepmother's life, since the doctors would have had no reason to look inside her and find the blockage in her bladder before it's too late (they all thought it was a bladder infection to begin with, before the operation to remove the mass. It was thought that the mass putting pressure on the bladder, which was the reason my stepmother had to pee every 45 minutes - it wasn't until the mass was removed that they discovered a dangerous blockage that prevented the bladder from passing through liquids, leaving behind a sort of toxic sludge that will need to be scraped. To aid in the passing of liquids, a stint will be added in a future surgery).
When I think back to all the times that I have performed spells, they seem so complicated! Hours, sometimes days - even weeks - went into preparation. Candles were gathered, oiled, charged. A formal ritual circle was erected. The timing had to be right - when Justin wasn't home, when I was feeling good, preferably at night or when I could have no distractions. Sometimes I incorporated tarot or oracle cards, crystals, herbs, intentions written on paper, affirmations. I tried to wear colors corresponding to my intention. I wrote out a detailed ritual beforehand, rewrote it into my magical journal, and took that (rather than my BoS) into the ritual circle with me.
All that is nice, and does make me feel rather witchy, but this experience just goes to show that I've forgotten something: spellwork, rituals, and magick in general does not have to be complicated. It can be sweet, simple, and to the point. It's the energy and intent put into the spell that matters, and since my stepmother's daughter was with me when I lit the candle, I know she was sending good, loving vibrations to her mother at least at the time of the lighting and extinguishing of the candle, if not all the way through.
I do think I may need to keep this in mind in the future. Words are powerful in and of themselves; candle magick has always been my strong suit. Since when did I become one of those people that needs 101 items to put my intent out there in the world?
