Unexpected Winter Energy

I wanted to beat NaNoWriMo this year.  I really did!  My home was set up to be the perfect reflection of a work space - the best I could have hoped for.  I had a solid group of support using the forums, I had a group of youtubers who made videos of encouragement and frustration while we all wrote, and I even developed a pretty good routine on when I would spend time to write everyday.

And then, my stepmother called.

Turns out that she was sick, and since I'm the only one in my family that doesn't have a job, I was recruited to help her while she was down.  She had a non-cancerous mass growing around her major organs in the abdomen, and it would require major surgery to remove it - and, she would hurt like hell from scraping said organs free of any remaining mass.  Her estimated down time was 3 weeks, which perfectly interrupted my plans for the entire month, including my Thanksgiving.

I was torn about helping.  It's not that I don't mind helping out - I enjoy giving a hand when I'm needed - but I had just come back from spending a month with niece and nephew, and I was still drained.  I was counting on this time to focus on me - that's what NaNoWriMo represented this year; doing something for myself that I always wanted to do.  I wanted - and needed - some down time before the hustle and bustle of the holidays, and I reallly wanted to work on establishing more intimacy in my relationship with my boyfriend.  Usually, autumn picks up in the beginning, and slows down towards the end, and stays slow (or still) up until mid-spring.  Not so this year.  Autumn picked up for me, and continuously gained momentum.

I couldn't keep up the motivation, momentum, and excitement at my stepmother's house.  There was only one spot to hook up my laptop (the screen is broken, so I need to have a monitor hooked up to use it), and her shepherd bothered me the entire time I sat at my laptop, since that was his designated hiding spot that I inconveniently interrupted.  Then there was the fact that whenever my stepmother was up, she expected me to be alert and attentive - meaning no reading, no walking away, no playing on the computer.  The fact that she didn't have internet was cumbersome, since that meant I had to use up my extremely limited shared 3 gig data (shared with 3 other people, no less).  And her house wasn't comfortable like my own - there's just something about your own space that's highly relaxing.

Turns out, nothing is quite as simple as it's supposed to be.  Because my stepmother has a complicated state of health (her doctors don't actually know how she's alive to this day; her case was actually published in medical journals), we were all a bit nervous.  Turns out the 5 hour operation turned into 7, requiring an additional urologist to check things out, and causing a panic in the doctor performing the hysterectomy (they planned on taking everything out down there to remove the mass, which wasn't such a bad idea since various forms of cancers of the uterus and such run in her family) since it appeared that her bladder and kidney actually stopped working.  Words like "kidney failure" were thrown around, and I couldn't for the life of me get a clear answer on anything, since I wasn't actually at the hospital.  My job was to take care of the house that week, supervise her 14 year old daughter, and handle her 2 dogs and 3 cats.

She was supposed to be in the hospital for 3 days.  They kept for over a week.  When she finally came home, she was loopy from pain medications and had 2 catheters stuck in her - one connected to her urethra, the other directly to her kidney.  Worst part?  They were the sort of catheters that are used for surgery, not the sort you take home, and no one would remove either of them for weeks, since her surgeon's son passed away before her check-up date.  Apparently other doctors and surgeons don't know how to look up what happened during a surgery and can't use common sense to figure out what to do next.

Getting her to any doctor was a nightmare, what with it being around Christmas at that point.  No one would schedule anything until her regular surgeon gave the okay.  Every time she went to a check-up, she was told something different about the surgery and all that - she was so loopy that her memory began after the pain meds wore after the operation, and her mother had power of attorney (but never bothered to ask questions about what she didn't understand).

Worse than seeing her drained of color, miserable, and walking around with tubes was her daughter.  Erin was a total nightmare.  It was fine when it was just me and her, but the moment her mother came home, her attitude changed.  I know she was scared and all, but there really was no excuse for her behavior - her attitude, skipping school, lying about who she's going out with, refusing to do her chores then throwing a tantrum (including kicking a hole in the wall and throwing around chairs) when she was grounded - ultimately leading to her phone getting taken away (which is when I found out she was up to a whole lot of other stuff I hadn't even known about).  I have to say, I'm pretty much done with this kid.  I'm nice to her, I'll talk to her, whatever.  But will I go out of my way for her?  Do I trust her?  Do I even want to spend quality time with her?  Not anymore.

Now that my stepmother's surgeon is back to work, we know that she is not experiencing kidney failure after all.  The non-cancerous mass pretty much strangled the kidney and the bladder, and it took a couple weeks for those organs to start bouncing back.  They did take out the catheter attached to the urethra, but since the one attached to her kidney is sutured in place, she will need a procedure to accomplish that.  She does have some issues with a blockage of her bladder, so another surgery will be needed to insert stints there to encourage the flow of fluids.  No one's sure when the next surgery will be; apparently, a hysterectomy takes 5-7 weeks to heal, and since my stepmother managed to rip a hole inside herself from not following the doctor's orders for bedrest, she needs to heal more before anything else can be done.

Right now, I'm at home.  I needed a break from the stress after subjecting myself to that sort of energy for weeks.  I guess I'll be heading back out there whenever the next surgery is scheduled.

I really do feel like I need to put up some boundaries with my family.  I've had a similar problem before, when I was babysitting my niece and nephew - people taking advantage of my generosity, and just assuming that I can everything for them.  An ordeal that would have lasted 3 weeks wasn't initially so bad... but by the time everything is said and done, I won't be able to relax and let things return to normal until February.  My entire winter, rather than being the peaceful introverted time I expect, has been so hectic that I'm not sure how I'm going to find the time to de-stress, unwind, and find peace.

NaNoWriMo Week 1

I thought that since NaNoWriMo has been going on a for a week now, that I would take some time for an update.

Well, my routine is okay.  It's comforting, it gives me a chance to straighten up the living room before I work (a cluttered environment = a cluttered mind), and it puts me in the right state of mind with writing.  

I had several epiphanes throughout the week, usually surrounding character development of more minor characters, that I do think I'll be able to incorporate into my story.  I've also been exchanging personal messages with a few authors at the NaNoWriMo website, which has helped tons!  Particularly the fellow author who is writing a novel set in the same era as my own.  :)  

My enthusiasm was on full blast at the beginning of the week, but has slowly begun to wane.  I spend roughly the first two hours of my day working on my novel, and I haven't covered as much ground as I would have liked, though I am meeting my daily writing requirements.  In fact, I was ahead of schedule for most of the week.  

Today, however, I woke up and just couldn't do it; I couldn't sit still and write.  I've been feeling tired, and now I'm at a point in the story where I'm not sure which direction I'm going to go.  But, I gave myselef permission to take the day off - writing seven days consecutively, I feel like I have earned a day off.  Unfortunately, I didn't take a total day off from writing (hence, this blog post), and I did do some minor era research.  I might even take tomorrow off, and readjust my schedule and writing requirements to give myself the weekends off.  

Sigh.  

Writing everyday is harder than I thought it would be.  Not the writing part, exactly, but the focus required to writing about the same thing each day.  I'm a roleplayer, meaning I like to participate in collaborate writing on forums; I have a wide range of tastes and preferences, and this is reflected in the things I choose to write about.  I think the most challenging part of NaNoWriMo, for me, is to sit down and work on ONE project every day instead of being completely scatter-brained and write about whatever it is that I feel like writing about at that time.  

I think I might need to work on structure within my writing... actually schedule time for blogging, for novel writing, for research, for roleplaying.  

NaNoWriMo Prep!

For those of you who are not familiar with this challenge, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month - a challenge where authors (or anyone who loves writing) attempts to write 50,000 words for a novella/novel/play/whatever during the span of 30 days in November, starting on the 1st.  The community there is wonderful, and once registered on the site, you can put in information about your novel, your writing experience, connect with buddies to keep you motivated, and participate in forums to discuss all of your frustrations and triumphs around writing.

I have participated before, but failed each time.  When I tried to write while working two jobs, it just didn't work out - I was too tired, too cranky, and couldn't establish a routine because my hours were random each week.  And since November was the start of the Christmas shopping season, I found myself pulling doubles most days of the week, and didn't actually have a day off for most of the month.  Another year, I over-planned - I sat down, did extensive character profiles, figured out each scene within each chapter, and took my time exploring every facet of the story.  Unfortunately, I did this for a solid month before writing, so when it came time to put it all down on paper, I was just really sick of my story.  A couple other times I didn't make it through the challenge for lack of an exciting idea, establishing a routine, and having a sufficient support group.

I have learned much over my attempts at NaNoWriMo.

Technically speaking, my prep started a the weekend of the 25th of Ocotber.  Yeah, I know, it was only a week!  Well, I kind of forgot about it until I was browsing Youtube (everyone knows it's my obsession, along with Pinterest >.>) and saw someone posting a NaNoWriMo prep video.  It suddenly dawned on me - oh yeah! - NaNo starts in a week!  So I rushed off to prepare.

There were so many things to do in such a small space of time!  I needed to figure out what story I was going to choose, flesh out some characters, come up with a general plot, and figure out how I was going to establish a writing routine.  I went to the internet immediately.

First thing I did was post in the Season of the Seeker group on Facebook.  This is my all-time favorite group!  I joined initially when I started working through the Season of the Seeker group, hosted by Ahneke Greystone, whom I met over on Youtube (check out her channel Mirth and Reverence).  She is an amazing lady, and I've learned so much - though I am still far behind the others in my yahoo group as part of the Greystone Path.  I'm making progress, though!

Anyway, I posted there if there were any deities that other practitioners had connected with for projects such as novel-writing.  I got some really good answers and replies, and I took the time to do some research.  Unfortunately, none really called out to me - except for maybe Hermes, but for an entirely different reason, which I may go into in a different article - so I decided that, in the end, I would not work with a specific deity for novel-writing this month.  This doesn't mean I won't in the future, just that, at this point in time, I'm not really mean to.

I then looked up various "how to write a novel" articles and didn't really find much helpful information - most of the techniques either didn't work for me, or was the sort I used back when I over-planned a novel.  Part of the fun, for me, is exploring where my characters go - if I have too much set in stone, the appeal of writing is lost; it's more like writing a paper for class than exercising my creative thought process.

A lot my time was spent for the first few days on what story I would write.  It suddenly dawned on me: hello!  You've roleplayed in the Regency era for ages.  You've been pushing specific characters for plots on those roleplay sites for ages.  You've been researching this era for ages.  Why not take the story into your own hands?  Take those characters and write about them!

Well, I kind of felt a little on the stupid side for not considering it before, but that's when I decided on my project: to write about my three favorite pre-made characters (with extensive character profiles already created, as well as basic family connections and reasons for being in London).  I settled on the date of 1811, the beginning of the Regency, just because that felt right.  Plus, I wouldn't have to do too much in the way of research of events that happened that year that might affect my characters - most of that stuff happened the following year and later - which would leave me more time to really focus on character development of my characters rather than including historically accurate events of the time.

Then I came across M. Kirin on Youtube.  Oh my gosh!  What a lifesaver!  His methods of story crafting, preparation and fleshing out were in sync with the way I do things.  So, I spent some time watching his videos and following his suggestions on writing out plots, character connections, etc.

While I was searching for things, I noticed that my back was really taking its toll.  I had a hard time focusing at my desk, as it was facing a wall, away from everything else - something I have never really been too fond of.  When my boyfriend borrowed a square card table from his brother, for the longest time I had moved everything to that table, and set it up in front of the windows - I could see the TV to my right, the yard, sky and trees to my left, and had a pretty good view of the rest of the apartment to my front.  It was perfect.  But then he had to go and take that back, so I moved it all back to my desk... and it just wasn't working.

So I got out our card table.  Why didn't I do that from the beginning?  Well, we have a buffet-length card table, bought for Pathfinder sessions (there are seven of us who play, including my boyfriend, the DM, who doesn't sit at the table during sessions).  It's big, it's bulky, and it's really cheaply made - it doesn't even flatten in the center folding part.  Plus, it's made of textured plastic that picks up lint like crazy!  It's size was mostly my objection.  But I put it up, wiped it down, and immediately wished I hadn't, as the paper towel I had used actually made it look dirtier than it was before.

On one end, I set up the laptop and the monitor (the laptop screen is broken, so I have to have it connected to a monitor if I want to see what I'm doing on that thing).  I include two coasters, one for my morning cup of tea, and one for a tall glass of cold water, as well as my hand-written plot and character details.  Right under the monitor, on a Subway napkin (for better traction and cushion) I have a collection of crystals that I selected - quartz for focus and clear intention, citirine for breaking through writer's block, all of the blue stones I possess for creative expression (linked to the throat chakra), and fool's gold for manifestation of my novel.

I should note that I keep my skull opalite on my person at the moment.  It helps me focus on the positive, gives me uplifting energy to complete my goals, and helps a lot with my mood shifts/swings.  Not to mention this crystal likes to hum to me.  :)

I also have mala beads on this table, because they dig into wrist when I type - I have a nasty habit of resting my wrists against the keyboard/table while typing, so it gets uncomfortable when I'm wearing my beads.  They were meant to be a necklace, but the length isn't as long as I like it, so I just wrap it three times around my left wrist, usually.  I also keep Georgette Heyer's Regency World nearby for quick reference - that book is amazing for Regency-era stuff, by the way.  Just awesome.  :)

On the other end, I set up my tarot reading space.  :)  There's a round metal plate from the dollar store that I set up a candle holder with decorative clear glass stones; I use it as an incense holder, and change out the glass stones every week.  Behind the candleholder I have some mini-size matches in a box, and in front of the candle holder, though it's hard to see, I have rose quartz, clear quartz, and amethyst chunks.  My cards - the Medieval Cat Tarot and the Earth Magic oracle decks - are usually wrapped up in my new scarf (from Walmart - and though I don't really like buying from there, I do love my scarf!  It's folded in half to get the square size I wanted, with one side being gold with blue accents, and the reverse side being blue with gold accents.  It also feels super soft and silky, and has a fringe at the ends.).  I even did a tarot reading for a friend over the phone the day I set it up.  I still have to do a reading for another friend, but we're trying to sync up schedules so that she can come over in person.

Anyway.

I also read some of the articles recommended on the NaNoWriMo blog, and got some pretty useful information.  The most important to me at the time was the article about establishing a routine.  I know from experience that I have a love/hate relationship with routine.  It's good because I don't forget to specific things once it's established.  It's bad because monotony = boredom, so after awhile if I don't switch it up, I'll lose interest completely and make any and every excuse I can find to avoid doing my routine.  Plus, if something happens - like babysitting or going out of town - that breaks my routine, it's really hard to get back into it.

My current, newly-created writing routine:

• Wake up.  
• Check phone - email, facebook, calendar updates, any other social media updates that have appeared since I've went to sleep. If I'm feeling a bit groggy, then I might play a morning game of solitaire.  
• Feed the cats, replace their water, put on water for tea.  
• Shower (if I haven't the night before - on really cold notes when I have a chill, I take a lava-hot shower; if I had a shower the night before, I just wash my face real quick), dress, do my hair, put on makeup, slather some lotion on me, spritz with body spray, and get dressed.  
• Make my tea, get a glass of water and ice, and turn on my laptop and youtube (through the roku box).  I have a youtube channel with some popular classical musicians from the Regency era playing.  Most of them are 1 to 2 hours long, so I usually only listen to one or two a day, depending on the length.  I keep the remotes near the laptop to adjust the sound as necessary.  
• Pull up Google Chrome, load the internet page for Correct Forms of Address, and the page for Regency Name Generator (I'm lazy with names, admittedly).  I also start up yWriter, iDailyDiary and Microsoft Word.  I write my story using Word, and then copy and paste the contents into yWriter, iDailyDiary, save the Word file onto my pc, and then copy it into Dropbox (which auto-starts when the pc is turned on).  If one of these becomes corrupted, deleted, or otherwise unusable, I have several other options available to me, including a back-up online through Dropbox.  :)  
• Write!  I typically set my phone to let me know when an hour has passed.  After the hour is up, I get up, use the bathroom, stretch my legs.  Then I go back and sit down for another hour or so.  

During this time, I completely ignore my phone (except for the hour timer).  No phone calls, no looking at it for updates, no texting.  My morning routine is reserved strictly for writing.  So far, so good!

I don intend on getting a pronged folder for my notes.  They were taken on computer paper, but I punched holes in them - I just don't have a spare folder not in use at the moment.  They're in danger of being wet - my cats like to knock over water when I'm not paying attention - so it's something I want to get soon.  It will probably be blue - the color of inspiration, communication, and creativity (to me).  :)